tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82060897709164020242024-02-21T03:34:49.352+00:00Stuttering MikeTales and insights into the workings of a male student who stutters.Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11278965324070189673noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8206089770916402024.post-62377684424757392302010-06-04T22:29:00.006+01:002010-06-04T22:44:01.225+01:00Ramble ramble ramble<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/TAlzSK1RMiI/AAAAAAAAADQ/c9Ry0EusUv0/s1600/deeper-conversation.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/TAlzSK1RMiI/AAAAAAAAADQ/c9Ry0EusUv0/s200/deeper-conversation.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5479037177655538210" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">I'm sure you've all got this before; "ya I stutter sometimes as well." Stuttering because you're nervous, or in a rush, is not the same as permanently stuttering. Just because you have experienced the physical sensation of a stutter does not mean you understand how we feel. You do not realize how much it is on our minds, how we choose to say or not to say things, how we avoid situations because of it, how depressing it can be on our bad days, how humiliating it is at times, but most of all how frustrating it is.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I realize you are trying to make us feel better but really you just annoy us [me]. I also hate how that statement gives the impression that it's "ok" to have a stutter. It gives the impression that that specific person will still treat you as a human. As if we should be somehow grateful for treating us like a normal human being. I have heard that sentence so many times in my youth and every time it has just annoyed me.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Another one I get quite often is; "I used to stutter as well." Now this one is a little different... I tend to ignore the comment most of the time. I generally feel that if they really used to have one they managed to control it before they turned around five or so, and thus can't relate to how I feel. However, today I spoke to a girl who had one until she was sixteen and managed to control it. It was interesting... I wanted to ask her like 3000 questions about how her life has changed but chose not to... One thing I did pick up on was that she was very surprised when I told her that I had done various therapies in the past and they hadn't helped.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">That was my ramble of the day. Thank you for reading :)</div>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11278965324070189673noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8206089770916402024.post-26729280380258764362010-05-18T02:04:00.004+01:002010-05-18T02:27:20.561+01:00A late-night update<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/S_Hsyw3Z4LI/AAAAAAAAADA/0AmO9y6x4tE/s1600/image5.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 112px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/S_Hsyw3Z4LI/AAAAAAAAADA/0AmO9y6x4tE/s200/image5.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5472415379086762162" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">I got a new part-time job. I now work at my local cinema. My responsibilities are heavily focused on customer-interaction; selling food, directing guests to their screens, seating some guests, and cleaning up after people. It has been a pretty insightful experience. After all, this is my first job where my main duty was serving customers (I did very little of this at McDonald's). I would be talking for hours on end to customers.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Firstly, the interview process was interesting. The one-on-one interview went fine until I brought up my stutter and then I couldn't stop stuttering. The group interview went great. Ya... I can't really explain it. Either way, I was surprised that I got the job. Why would a cinema that prides itself on great customer service employ someone who can't communicate <i>effectively</i>? Thus, I feel sort of indebted to them. I feel as if I owe them for taking a "risk". I guess that says something about the respect I have for my stutter.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Anyhow, I've been in the job for two months or so. An outsider would probably compliment on how well I have managed my stutter. I rarely get blocks and manage to interact with the customers like everybody else, yet I find time to critique myself. I feel disappointed every time I can't get a word out, every time I say something different to avoid the stutter, every time I see that the customer is a little confused as I babble on. So whilst I may talk for 6 hours without a significant block, I get angry with myself if I get a small short block.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">That said, it doesn't really affect my ability to perform the job. I can communicate on the radio, albeit at times a bit poorly, I can interact with the customers and so forth. However, I know I could do better. I feel that my stutter is my limiting component to perfection that so many of us strive towards. How can I be a better employee if I can't overcome this stutter? And I do want to be a better employee. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I have often spoken in the past how I felt that the best course of action was to accept that I stutter and just progress, however, at times that feels like accepting defeat. I don't like to lose without a fight.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Does my personality define my stutter or does my stutter define my personality?</div>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11278965324070189673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8206089770916402024.post-33647828310510489062010-03-07T04:44:00.005+00:002010-05-18T02:27:32.141+01:00Is it a disability?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/S5Mx9dahKQI/AAAAAAAAAC4/JBGor4yWXFE/s1600-h/sticker.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/S5Mx9dahKQI/AAAAAAAAAC4/JBGor4yWXFE/s200/sticker.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5445751306358696194" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">I keep asking myself if stuttering is a disability. I'm sure some people see it as one, but I'm not sure. I always have trouble answering the disability question when I apply for something somewhere. Am I truly disabled because of my stutter? Am I unable to carry out day-to-day activities?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">I personally do not think it is a disability in the true sense. I can still talk on the telephone, I can still speak in front of large audiences, I can still do presentations. I realize this may seem as if it doesn't apply to all people who stutter, but it does. You all can do it. The only difference is the length of time it takes for you to do it. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">The way I see it is that stuttering is kind of like if you had a limp. The limp does not prevent you from going to the store across the street, nor does it stop you from participating in a marathon. It just prevents you from doing those things as easily as people who have no limp. OK, maybe not the best analogy but you get what I'm saying.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">A bit off-topic, but I really dislike when people compare stuttering to those who are paralysed. I saw this recently somewhere where people who stutter said that mocking someone's stutter is just as bad as mocking someone in a wheelchair. I think that is a pretty gross exaggeration.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">At the end of the day, us stutterers need to realize that we can lead perfectly functional lives in all areas of life, except telesales... That would be interesting. Imagine a call centre which only hired people who stuttered! </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Anyway... do I think it is a disability? Not when compared to others, no. Do I think it is an inconvenience, frustrating and, at times, tiring? Definitely.</div>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11278965324070189673noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8206089770916402024.post-41128060844023928072010-03-05T03:38:00.005+00:002010-03-05T03:52:08.949+00:00Ashamed?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/S5B_BbEoqXI/AAAAAAAAACw/QD9j8E0cUo0/s1600-h/shame.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 146px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/S5B_BbEoqXI/AAAAAAAAACw/QD9j8E0cUo0/s200/shame.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5444991611914725746" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">Hey guys, it's been a while. Mainly because I haven't had much to say about my stutter.. but that's changed in the last few months or so. Today I just kind of wanted to talk about how I have only shown this blog to one friend of mine. Nobody else, and no members of my family. It's not that I only trust one person, I have other close friends who I share a lot with. I think perhaps its because I'm ashamed? Maybe I don't want people to see this side of me, to see my inner-thoughts? I mean truth be told I am the emotional equivalent to Mr. Meursault in "The Outsider" (aka "The Stranger"). OK, that's an exaggeration but I'm not expressive with my emotions, especially those surrounding my stutter.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Is it just being ashamed or that I don't want to let others in? I would be interested to hear if any of you have the same feelings that I do. Have you ever gone and found an article or video about stuttering and told someone close to you?</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Do you tell people about how stuttering is? I have only had a handful of people ever ask me an intimate question about stuttering in my life. It is kind of sad. I know it must seem to them like the elephant in the room, but I'm pretty sure they find it curious.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">There seems to be this social enigma that if somebody is out of the ordinary that we shouldn't talk to them, or see how it affects their lives. I'm guilty of it too. Maybe things would be better if people stopped being sensitive about things that are construed to be not normal.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">How do I fix this problem? Do I post this blog on my facebook? I'm not sure I would be comfortable with that. I'd probably just get really neurotic and see how many likes and comments it has. I'm rambling now, and it is almost 4am but I'm sure someone understood what I wrote.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Until next time...</div>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11278965324070189673noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8206089770916402024.post-24393540313008449422009-07-10T03:36:00.004+01:002009-07-10T03:49:20.871+01:00Drive-Thru Madness!!!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/Slapd0FUaYI/AAAAAAAAACc/dI_eF4nmLKM/s1600-h/fxss_drivethru_sign_small-500x333.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 133px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/Slapd0FUaYI/AAAAAAAAACc/dI_eF4nmLKM/s200/fxss_drivethru_sign_small-500x333.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5356655136466037122" /></a>First off! Apologies.. again.. I've gotten quite bad at this whole blogging thing. Problem is though that although I have the urge to write about my experiences I have become quite lethargic with it... I'll try to be a bit better.<div><br /></div><div>So since the last update I've had two jobs. One was at a books factory but that work dried up when the recession hit... I then started work for a fast food chain to help pay with my living fees and it gives me great flexible hours so I can still somewhat concentrate on university. In my interview I explicitly asked to work in the back so I didn't have to deal with customers...and my stutter</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway... The first few weeks were a bit boring... I barely spoke to people, kept quiet, didn't engage into conversation. My typical first impression I guess. I started opening up a bit and speaking more but for some reason my stutter is pretty bad when I'm talking to new people. Nobody made a deal out of it which I was kind of surprised. One or two people were curious about it and I entertained their questions but other then that nothing really.</div><div><br /></div><div>Fast-forward six-seven months till about last month and I'm still there. Things are good, made friends, rarely stutter when I speak to them. There are the few occasional things that I get stuck on... When you make ham/cheeseburgers you need to shout "cheese on" to know how many cheese and hamburgers to make. I know hate the word cheese. Ch-cheese... Ya..</div><div><br /></div><div>So I was resigned to the fact that I'd just work in the back until... I went to get a Subway one day and the guy behind the counter stuttered. Crap! That takes balls... the amount of options you have for a sandwich, the amount of questions people must ask! He didn't seem flustered at all.. he just stuttered through it all. He picked up on mine as well and we small-talked.. but that was my inspiration that if he can go through that, why can't I?</div><div><br /></div><div>But.. as usual I just decided not to, until a co-worker pushed me to do the drive-thru window, because nobody else could and I was the last resort. He was there for the first few cars and then left. And you know what? It was absolutely fine. Sure I stuttered, sure I used every trick in the book but it was absolutely fine. When I got into real problems I'd just say "sorry I've got a speech impediment" and they would be happy to wait for me to finally spit out the simple question. Ok, with customer service you're always going to get the odd jerk but that was a rarity.</div><div><br /></div><div>This got me pretty happy... and I told a couple of friends in excitement but they just kind of shrugged it off. I don't think they realized the mental wall I had just walked through. I can now do customer service. I mean.. I could always do it. But I now <b>know</b> I can. And if I can do that, then I can do more things I think I can't.</div><div><br /></div><div>I have found that my emotional health, with regards to my stuttering, is a lot healthier now that I have accepted it rather than fight it. I'm not saying don't go to therapy, I'm just saying that for me... I've given up the fight. And the sooner I manage to adapt my life's goals and ambitions around this fact, the sooner I will be at peace with my stutter. But more about that in another post!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Wow... that was really long.. If you've read this far thanks!</div>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11278965324070189673noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8206089770916402024.post-18097606519509602332008-08-28T05:07:00.004+01:002008-08-28T05:21:35.103+01:00Soo.... The weather!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/SLYnve1pqiI/AAAAAAAAABw/m_RqnKHmlVQ/s1600-h/hamburger.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/SLYnve1pqiI/AAAAAAAAABw/m_RqnKHmlVQ/s200/hamburger.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5239418913177578018" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">Well.. I've been really quiet over the past month and that's mainly due to one reason; I've not given my stutter much thought. Not any thought really... It's so weird how my mindset towards stuttering changes so drastically from when I'm at university to when I'm home. Overall I'm currently in a "good" period with regards to my stutter (this will definately jinx it now) and have been pretty fluent. Obviously I still stutter but I get the feeling that I don't confuse people when I talk.. You know when you stutter so much in a sentence you don't even know what you're saying anymore? Ya.. So that's all been good.<br /><br />I'm even more fluent in German, my second language which I'm fluent (well obviously I don't mean <span style="font-style: italic;">that</span> type of fluency.. I stutter.. but you know what I mean!) in. Now, what I've noticed is that I absolutely suck at controlling my stutter in foreign languages, maybe it's the stress? The unfamiliarity? Who knows... All I know is that I can't control it half as well as I can in English. Thus, I don't like speaking German or learning new languages, which is a shame because I have a knack of picking languages up. -Funny how a linguistic person has a stutter no?-<br /><br />I'm not really sure why the sudden fluency came about... I pen it on the girlfriend post I spoke about earlier. The magics of relationships blaaadeeh bla bla. Anyway! My point... I recently had to go to a "refresher course" so I wouldn't have my driving license taken away. It's basically the automotive version of A.A. Naturally talkings required... and first day I was nervous, heart was in my throat and I was using all the "tricks" I knew to come off as someone who didn't stutter. Eventually I stopped caring and would stutter through the sentences in German. Albeit, "fluently"... And as I did this I noticed the stutter less.<br /><br />Which brings me to my closing point, perhaps what we stutterers need to do is not to fight stuttering, not to use our minds against it, but rather accept it. Go with the flow of the stutter. If the stutter doesn't want you to finish a sentence then so be it. I think that the only reason people will make a deal out of your stutter is if you do. Perhaps this is why it was seldom an issue in primary/middle/high-school.... I didn't make an issue out of it (lets exclude 1-2 years) and so nobody else did. And perhaps the only reason the stutter will <span style="font-style: italic;">overcome</span> you is if you let it to. Something which I have definately done in my opening year of university. I go to university tomorrow, and this time... I'm going to try my best to not worry about the stutter.<br /></div>Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11278965324070189673noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8206089770916402024.post-53423158272303306552008-07-26T03:30:00.007+01:002008-07-26T03:43:23.534+01:00The Future! Aaaargh!!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/SIqNsieua3I/AAAAAAAAABo/Y4QKX7HhEy8/s1600-h/stutter.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/SIqNsieua3I/AAAAAAAAABo/Y4QKX7HhEy8/s200/stutter.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5227146113826319218" border="0" /></a>I often find myself pondering, "how on earth are you going to overcome that with your stutter!?" If any of you have been in some of these situations it would be interesting to hear, even if they've been horrid.<br /><br />Right, so the future situations I fret about... Notice how most concern marriage!<br /><br /><ul><li>Proposing to a woman, I assume that given how I don't stutter as much around girlfriends that this shouldn't be too much of an issue.. But then again I can only imagine how nervous it would make one feel.</li><li>Saying "I do" at the Altar... (see above). I guess I could always nod?</li><li>Saying your vows at the wedding... aaah... now you include a room full of people. Perhaps, if I were to get married I could do some sort of interpretive dance.</li><li>I would imagine that if my brother were to marry I would be best man.. and the best man has to give a speech.. so ya.. Same as last one, interpretive dance anyone!?<br /></li><li>Getting pulled over by a cop. This may seem weird.. But, I would assume that if a cop pulled you over it was due to your driving. Add the stuttering to the equation and his first thought might be that you're drunk on drugs? Then you include the nerves of the situation and, and and!</li><li>Job interview. I've not had a job interview yet perse, I've had jobs.. but no job interview. This is probably the least of my worries out of the list at the moment as it would be one-on-one and either you get the job or you don't.</li><li>Doing a presentation for your work... It's inevitable isn't it? Public speaking... aaaah, I'll touch on that whole farce on a later date.</li></ul><br />That's all the ones I can think of off the top of my head at the moment...Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11278965324070189673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8206089770916402024.post-43973669071082410802008-07-17T19:24:00.004+01:002008-07-17T19:33:10.491+01:00Quiet time<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/SH-QRUv7wQI/AAAAAAAAABg/p9Z5whRUXG8/s1600-h/6429_funny_man_with_a_zipped_mouth.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/SH-QRUv7wQI/AAAAAAAAABg/p9Z5whRUXG8/s200/6429_funny_man_with_a_zipped_mouth.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224052720074998018" border="0" /></a><br />Hey guys, wanted to apologize for the lack of frequency on posts. I find that this is mainly down to the fact that back home I'm in a more comfortable environment surrounded by friends I've known for at least a couple of years and have no reason to try to hide the stutter (thus think about it less). Whereas over at university in U.K this is all different. I find myself constantly trying to prevent any slight stutter whereas here I bulldoze through it. I guess I should be doing what I'm doing at home at university but that's easier said than done right? University after all is a place where first impressions count and I suck enough as it is with good first impressions, stuttering aside. So I guess in that sense the pressure is always on when I talk to people at university whereas at home I couldn't really care less.<br /><br />I also find that some of my friends at university don't really have the patience for my stutter and will often just stop listening to me when I'm talking. Although the latter is particulary only one person but to say it isn't frustrating is an understatement. Infuriating really...<br /><br />Well, check this space in the next couple days and I'll have another post up by then.Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11278965324070189673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8206089770916402024.post-91040179181772236692008-07-01T01:06:00.003+01:002010-03-05T03:55:16.293+00:00Fix your stutter, get a girlfriend!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/SGl8MyvinBI/AAAAAAAAABY/rNR2emqAZ0M/s1600-h/romance-jan2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/SGl8MyvinBI/AAAAAAAAABY/rNR2emqAZ0M/s200/romance-jan2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5217838202506877970" border="0" /></a><br />Something I've always noticed since I started dating a while back is that I stutter rarely when with my girlfriend. I remember that with my long-term girlfriend who I was dating last year I would very rarely stutter and when I did I would get a block and would be able to overcome it fairly quickly. Also, when I am around women who I am affectionate with I still stutter but to a lesser degree than with my female or male friends. So in short:<br /><ul><li>Long-term girlfriend = minimal stuttering</li><li>Affectionate female friend = less than average amount of stuttering.</li></ul><br />Am I the only one who thinks this is bizarre? It seems as if the people we are around have an affect on the amount we stutter. From the above we can deduce that the more comfortable I am with the person the less I stutter. Makes sense no? Well it would, except I stutter more around my parents than with people I've just met. Logic would define that I'm more comfortable around my parents than with the people I've just met so I should stutter less around my parents. Wrong.<br /><br />Furthermore, I stutter the same around good friends and normal friends, both male and female. It just seems to change when I'm with my girlfriend. Maybe it's because I'm generally more at ease, relaxed, happy with her? Who knows? Any of you out there got any ideas as to why? Is it the same with you?<br /><br />If so... then hey! Get yourself a girlfriend/boyfriend!Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11278965324070189673noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8206089770916402024.post-29073831374896836842008-06-22T03:43:00.003+01:002008-06-22T03:56:19.160+01:00Fluent periods?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://duncanpierce.org/files/images/speech-question-marks.png"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 200px;" src="http://duncanpierce.org/files/images/speech-question-marks.png" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />I, fortunately, am one of those stutterers who manages to get <span style="font-style: italic;">somewhat</span> fluent periods. During group therapy sessions I have met fellow stutterers who have a much more difficult time expressing their thoughts than I do. I, even as a stutterer, cannot quite imagine how bad that would be to go one sentence without stuttering on every syllable.<br /><br />However, that's not the reason for my post. 10 days ago or so I went back to my home in Germany from university (which is in England). And let's just say I've noticed something quite interesting. Back in England I would think about my stutter, its constraints, its possible effects on the people surrounding me, the role it plays etc. I would also stutter quite often, at least once every two sentences, usually once a sentence. Which is originally why I decided to create this blog, partially as it was a good place for me to vent. Now! I'm back home and I'm noticing that I stutter maybe once every six sentences or so. Now this is most surprising to me because:<br /><br /><ol><li>I usually stutter more at home with my parents than with my friends.</li><li>I'm stuttering less with my parents than with my friends back in England.</li><li>This is the most fluent I've been in easily over a year.</li></ol><br />I can't quite understand why, but this all kind of struck me last night when I was meeting some old friends and I had a block. The first one in <span style="font-weight: bold;">hours</span>. Hours! And I got over that block in no time! Shortly after the block my stutter came to my attention and I stammered the next sentence out but after that it was fine. Possible reasons?<br /><br /><ul><li>Was in a comfortable situation.</li><li>I was smoking shisha (hookah) at the time which relaxes me so maybe that? I wasn't drinking alcohol though.</li><li>Not thinking about my stutter as much.<br /></li><li>For you spiritualists out there, it was a full mooon! oooOOOooo</li></ul><br />Would love to hear any of your thoughts as to why I'm so fluent all of a sudden or if you've had similar encouters.<br /><br />P.S. This isn't like a period where I stutter less than usual, this is quite a drastic improvement - or least I like to think so.Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11278965324070189673noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8206089770916402024.post-84861231219754665552008-06-07T04:37:00.005+01:002010-03-05T04:02:52.820+00:00Oh telephone, telephone... How I hate you<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.worcesterneighbourhoodwatch.co.uk/userimages/PHONE02.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 200px;" src="http://www.worcesterneighbourhoodwatch.co.uk/userimages/PHONE02.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />A common thing among stutterers, a situation which those who don't stutter can't empathise with. Oh yes, the infamous telephone conversation! I know you all hate it just as much as I do...<br /><br />I remember when I was young I would love to answer the phone, back in the days where my stutter didn't really concern me as a "disability". Nowadays, I dread it. For those of you who don't know; I'm just about nearing the end of my first year of a Bachelors degree at university. So, I live in university halls.<br /><br />Anyway! A couple months ago I couldn't be bothered to make food and was craving a bit of oriental food. Simple no? Just get someone else to order with you and you have the telephone situation avoided. I went upstairs to some of my friends and sure enough convinced them to get some. So after about 30 minutes of choosing which one and what to get... came the moment. The telephone conversation! I instantly scream "SHOTGUN NOT IT!" (thank god I didn't stutter there :D) This is followed by the two out of three remaining people shouting it. Eventually, the last one said she wasn't calling them. Why? I don't really know why and I don't even think she knew why. I said I didn't want to, thinking it was pretty clear why... This was followed by another guy who didn't want to because he's scared of getting the order wrong... fair enough, least that's a reason. And the last person usually did the calling but was fed up.<br /><br />So here we are:<br /><br />1 Stutterer<br />1 Person who doesn't know why she doesn't want to call<br />1 Person who is scared of getting the order wrong<br />1 Person who always calls and is fed up of calling.<br /><br />Well seems pretty clear doesn't it? The first person definitely won't be asked on. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Wrong.</span><br /><br />They seemed to keep telling me to call them as it was my idea for <span style="font-style: italic;">us</span> to get takeout. Duuh! Because I don't want to call them! So I straight up told them I don't want to call them because I stutter.<br /><br />"So?"<br /><br />I was actually speechless.. not because I had a block but because I couldn't imagine someone would lack so much empathy. And they weren't the only ones. There were other people in the kitchen at the time who had said similar remarks when I told them I didn't want to phone, because I stuttered. In short, an hour later, nobody had called, and I ended up eating some snacks for dinner.<br /><br />What struck me most about that situation was that they were surprised that my stutter would be an issue... "Let's get the guy who stutters rather than the guy who is scared of getting an order wrong to order!". I mean, for crying out loud, people sometimes mistake what I say when I order stuff because I don't enunciate (so to prevent the stutter), but apparently I'll be flawless in a phone conversation?<br /><br />In the whole year, I've probably been asked to call every single time we've ordered out. I guess I should be glad they see my situation as equal, but it isn't though is it? I have ordered on a couple occasions and they generally went ok but why put someone outside their <span style="font-style: italic;">comfort zone</span> when they don't want to? It's one of the things, regarding my stutter and how people react to it, that has bothered me in the past year.<br /><br />On a brighter note, I had to talk to a French gentleman to get a booking altered and I actually managed to say my details! Including my name! Card numbers! And dates! In some fluent matter...<br /><br />Damn telephones...Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11278965324070189673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8206089770916402024.post-66549640568537329532008-05-29T02:10:00.004+01:002008-05-29T02:22:31.719+01:00Bus Stop Madness!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/SD4FRrwnmVI/AAAAAAAAABQ/BKqS_AMDeak/s1600-h/busticket.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp1.blogger.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/SD4FRrwnmVI/AAAAAAAAABQ/BKqS_AMDeak/s200/busticket.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5205604020649433426" border="0" /></a><br />Ever have those moments where you just think to yourself; "please God... just this once!" I seem to be having them a lot regularly nowadays... One of those moments is when I step on the bus and have to ask for a return ticket. Now picture this scenario:<br /><br />The bus rolls up, there's a queue of people behind you all racing to get on the bus. The majority of those waiting already have bus passes, they just stroll pass... you're up next. You know what you're going to say!<br /><br />"City return ticket. City return ticket. City return ticket. City return ticket."<br /><br />You go up, feel the block.. and there it is again. Pressure builds up! Unsure of what the people behind are thinking of you as you convince yourself that you're holding everyone up, when in fact you're not really... So what happens?<br /><br />"City please."<br /><br />That's right, no return bit... This may seem kind of minimal but two single tickets cost 4 pounds, (that's about eight dollars, crazy.. I know) whereas a return costs 3 pounds (six dollars). So I end up spending that extra pound more merely because I can't (don't want to) say the flipping return part!<br /><br />Now I'm sure many of you are wondering why I don't just word substitute? I tried that once... Got two single tickets, and naturally my friends found that amusing.<br /><br />*sighs*<br /><br />Seems really quite silly that I do this often; pay that extra pound more just to avoid the pressure that I, myself, build. I've probably lost quite a bit in the long run, and sadly this isn't the only scenario.<br /><br />Next year... I'm getting myself a bus pass!Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11278965324070189673noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8206089770916402024.post-37433123530971110712008-05-26T04:08:00.005+01:002008-05-26T04:23:05.389+01:00One's stuttering evolution?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.keyframe.org/txt/nano/stutter.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 200px;" src="http://www.keyframe.org/txt/nano/stutter.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Maybe I'm just overthinking things or my memorys hazy; even if I'm far from the age of dellusion, but am I the only one whose stuttering behaviour seems to alter over time? What I mean is that when I look back ten years, or even five, I remember myself trying to control my stutter in a different manner.<br /><br />For example, when I was a child I began to develop the head tilts and ticks which are common among fellow stutterers. I eventually stopped doing this after my father shouted at me to stop doing so. Although it was pretty brutal for me back then, it certainly did make me stop the ticks - obviously not the stutter.<br /><br />From then on, in my early teens, I would stutter and just keep trying to force the word out until I ran out of air and keep going. If I can recall correctly my stutter wasn't as bad as it can be nowadays, but maybe that's just wishful thinking? Anyway, now two things happen:<br /><br /><ol><li>I try to speak past the block, it fails, and I stutter and stutter till after a few seconds of stuttering I stop. I then try to relax and say what I want to.</li><li>I notice the block, stop, try to relax and say what I want to.</li></ol>Sounds pretty decent no? Well, not really. What basically happens is that the blocks still there and I just end up repeating the prior few words a lot until I can manage to get past the block. So basically what this means is that on a bad day I end up saying a sentence which is highly fragmented. And I can only imagine how difficult it might be for those who are trying to listen and grasp what I'm saying. Admittedly, the latter approach does work occasionally.<br /><br />So I'm starting to wonder to myself is it better to try and stammer past the block or to take a break and try to relax? Not for me, but for those listening.<br /><br />As for the head tilts, I'm pretty sure I don't do those anymore but I'm fairly sure the facial ticks have crept back.<br /><br />As krass as it may sound, is there a better way to stutter? Has anybody else noticed how their stutter has evolved over their lifetime?Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11278965324070189673noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8206089770916402024.post-23517524866762847822008-05-25T21:38:00.001+01:002008-05-25T22:40:46.517+01:00Introductory kind of thing?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://bp3.blogger.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/SDnc2bwnmUI/AAAAAAAAABE/fGsF7DUpmA8/s1600-h/nametag.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://bp3.blogger.com/_qT3EgngTj9s/SDnc2bwnmUI/AAAAAAAAABE/fGsF7DUpmA8/s320/nametag.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5204433672126044482" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br />How does someone start one of these things off anyhow? Well anyway, I have been stuttering for as long as I remember. There was no significant event that started it, it just started. I don't really know when exactly it started. I know I've asked my parents but they gave me a wishy washy answer and it, surprisingly, didn't really concern me too much. I mean, afterall, I stutter - how will knowing when exactly it started help?<br /><br />Since I can remember I have participated in numerous therapies, some with scientific logic behind them, others with spiritual faith behind them. From the logical to the lunical. What I can categorically say about all of them is I pretty much hated all of them, most probably because of the tediousness of them. However, there was one that actually showed a noteable improvement (Del Ferro Method), I'll probably talk about that experience later on...<br /><br />I have been in over a dozen of different schools due to my family relocating, have had to introduce myself countless times. And it is this that amazes me, WHY is it so damn hard to say your own fricking name!? Something I have experienced more and more in my first year of University...<br /><br />*class begins*<br />Teacher: Alright, so how about we go around the room and all introduce ourselves?<br />Me: *panics*<br />*students introduce themselves in a calm, boring fashion*<br />Me: *thinks to himself* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />*student before me finishes his introduction, all eyes on me*<br />Me: M-m-m *pauses* My name's M-mike and I................<br />*finish introduction and let my heart rate fall to a normal amount*<br /><br />This is one of my most terrifying experiences at university so far. When I'm talking to people in person it's not as bad. Seeing as I've introduced myself to a stupid amount of people since I've been here, mainly because I've had to, I sometimes even manage to say my name without a stutter!<br /><br />So why the blog? Well, I never really paid much attention to my stutter, mostly thanks to my family, until my teenage years where it began to frustrate and bother me. Or at least that's when I can really remember it troubling me. However, since it started troubling me it's just grown and grown and I've recently started browsing the internet and stumbled upon numerous interesting blogs of people who stutter and figured why not tell people of all my tales? Even if this makes me a bit of a hypocrite as I swore a while back I would never have a blog, but I feel this blog has more of a point than just being a diary... Time will tell I guess! Sooo! This is basically a blog to show the mindset and emotional insights of someone who stutters...<br /><br />Oh, apologies for the run-ons, fragments etc... I'm not <span style="font-style: italic;">perfect</span>.Mikehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11278965324070189673noreply@blogger.com3