Tuesday, 1 July 2008

Fix your stutter, get a girlfriend!

Something I've always noticed since I started dating a while back is that I stutter rarely when with my girlfriend. I remember that with my long-term girlfriend who I was dating last year I would very rarely stutter and when I did I would get a block and would be able to overcome it fairly quickly. Also, when I am around women who I am affectionate with I still stutter but to a lesser degree than with my female or male friends. So in short:
  • Long-term girlfriend = minimal stuttering
  • Affectionate female friend = less than average amount of stuttering.

Am I the only one who thinks this is bizarre? It seems as if the people we are around have an affect on the amount we stutter. From the above we can deduce that the more comfortable I am with the person the less I stutter. Makes sense no? Well it would, except I stutter more around my parents than with people I've just met. Logic would define that I'm more comfortable around my parents than with the people I've just met so I should stutter less around my parents. Wrong.

Furthermore, I stutter the same around good friends and normal friends, both male and female. It just seems to change when I'm with my girlfriend. Maybe it's because I'm generally more at ease, relaxed, happy with her? Who knows? Any of you out there got any ideas as to why? Is it the same with you?

If so... then hey! Get yourself a girlfriend/boyfriend!


Torey said...

I check your blog about once a week - I thought I would tell you that, since I know it's nice to know that someone is actually reading what you wrote. Here's my blog that I recently started about my stuttering therapy:

I also stutter more around my parents/friends than I do around people I first meet. My theory (that I strongly believe) is that around someone I first meet I am very guarded with my speech - I monitor very closely what I say, I might not say everything I want to, etc. In other words, NOT GOOD because my fear is controlling me. Around my wife, parents, friends, siblings, and close co-workers I struggle the most. I'm more comfortable these are the people I most care about and therefore it becomes more of a priority to say what I want, how I want than it does to hide my stuttering. So I say more of what I want to say and pay the price for it by facial tension, etc.

Unlike you are your girlfriends, the closer I become to someone, the more likely I am to struggle around them and have times of great stuggle.

I think you mentioned in a past post about talking on the phone, and that's another place where we differ - the phone has always been much easier for me than face to face. My theory is: On the phone I can have my physical struggle as much and as hard as is needed, but the person can't see me and think "What the hell is wrong with that guy?!". So even if my speech is choppy on the phone, I know that no one is looking at me.

Anyway, keep posting, I'll keep reading.

Mike said...

Hey torey,

Thanks for the intro, it really is quite interesting to see how different a stutter's effect can be on two different people. You would think that there would be some common traits but our posts seem to prove this wrong.

Whereas you say the phones more comfortable because they don't see you stuttering, I think it's more frightening. I find that if I talk to the person in person I can always just use hand language to put my point across and motion to things I want etc. whereas this would be impossible via telephone. I guess what I mean is that on the telephone there really is no escape route is there?

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