Soo.... The weather!

Well.. I've been really quiet over the past month and that's mainly due to one reason; I've not given my stutter much thought. Not any thought really... It's so weird how my mindset towards stuttering changes so drastically from when I'm at university to when I'm home. Overall I'm currently in a "good" period with regards to my stutter (this will definately jinx it now) and have been pretty fluent. Obviously I still stutter but I get the feeling that I don't confuse people when I talk.. You know when you stutter so much in a sentence you don't even know what you're saying anymore? Ya.. So that's all been good.

I'm even more fluent in German, my second language which I'm fluent (well obviously I don't mean that type of fluency.. I stutter.. but you know what I mean!) in. Now, what I've noticed is that I absolutely suck at controlling my stutter in foreign languages, maybe it's the stress? The unfamiliarity? Who knows... All I know is that I can't control it half as well as I can in English. Thus, I don't like speaking German or learning new languages, which is a shame because I have a knack of picking languages up. -Funny how a linguistic person has a stutter no?-

I'm not really sure why the sudden fluency came about... I pen it on the girlfriend post I spoke about earlier. The magics of relationships blaaadeeh bla bla. Anyway! My point... I recently had to go to a "refresher course" so I wouldn't have my driving license taken away. It's basically the automotive version of A.A. Naturally talkings required... and first day I was nervous, heart was in my throat and I was using all the "tricks" I knew to come off as someone who didn't stutter. Eventually I stopped caring and would stutter through the sentences in German. Albeit, "fluently"... And as I did this I noticed the stutter less.

Which brings me to my closing point, perhaps what we stutterers need to do is not to fight stuttering, not to use our minds against it, but rather accept it. Go with the flow of the stutter. If the stutter doesn't want you to finish a sentence then so be it. I think that the only reason people will make a deal out of your stutter is if you do. Perhaps this is why it was seldom an issue in primary/middle/high-school.... I didn't make an issue out of it (lets exclude 1-2 years) and so nobody else did. And perhaps the only reason the stutter will overcome you is if you let it to. Something which I have definately done in my opening year of university. I go to university tomorrow, and this time... I'm going to try my best to not worry about the stutter.

The Future! Aaaargh!!!

I often find myself pondering, "how on earth are you going to overcome that with your stutter!?" If any of you have been in some of these situations it would be interesting to hear, even if they've been horrid.

Right, so the future situations I fret about... Notice how most concern marriage!

• Proposing to a woman, I assume that given how I don't stutter as much around girlfriends that this shouldn't be too much of an issue.. But then again I can only imagine how nervous it would make one feel.
• Saying "I do" at the Altar... (see above). I guess I could always nod?
• Saying your vows at the wedding... aaah... now you include a room full of people. Perhaps, if I were to get married I could do some sort of interpretive dance.
• I would imagine that if my brother were to marry I would be best man.. and the best man has to give a speech.. so ya.. Same as last one, interpretive dance anyone!?
  
• Getting pulled over by a cop. This may seem weird.. But, I would assume that if a cop pulled you over it was due to your driving. Add the stuttering to the equation and his first thought might be that you're drunk on drugs? Then you include the nerves of the situation and, and and!
• Job interview. I've not had a job interview yet perse, I've had jobs.. but no job interview. This is probably the least of my worries out of the list at the moment as it would be one-on-one and either you get the job or you don't.
• Doing a presentation for your work... It's inevitable isn't it? Public speaking... aaaah, I'll touch on that whole farce on a later date.

That's all the ones I can think of off the top of my head at the moment...

Quiet time

Hey guys, wanted to apologize for the lack of frequency on posts. I find that this is mainly down to the fact that back home I'm in a more comfortable environment surrounded by friends I've known for at least a couple of years and have no reason to try to hide the stutter (thus think about it less). Whereas over at university in U.K this is all different. I find myself constantly trying to prevent any slight stutter whereas here I bulldoze through it. I guess I should be doing what I'm doing at home at university but that's easier said than done right? University after all is a place where first impressions count and I suck enough as it is with good first impressions, stuttering aside. So I guess in that sense the pressure is always on when I talk to people at university whereas at home I couldn't really care less.

I also find that some of my friends at university don't really have the patience for my stutter and will often just stop listening to me when I'm talking. Although the latter is particulary only one person but to say it isn't frustrating is an understatement. Infuriating really...

Well, check this space in the next couple days and I'll have another post up by then.