Soo.... The weather!

Well.. I've been really quiet over the past month and that's mainly due to one reason; I've not given my stutter much thought. Not any thought really... It's so weird how my mindset towards stuttering changes so drastically from when I'm at university to when I'm home. Overall I'm currently in a "good" period with regards to my stutter (this will definately jinx it now) and have been pretty fluent. Obviously I still stutter but I get the feeling that I don't confuse people when I talk.. You know when you stutter so much in a sentence you don't even know what you're saying anymore? Ya.. So that's all been good.

I'm even more fluent in German, my second language which I'm fluent (well obviously I don't mean that type of fluency.. I stutter.. but you know what I mean!) in. Now, what I've noticed is that I absolutely suck at controlling my stutter in foreign languages, maybe it's the stress? The unfamiliarity? Who knows... All I know is that I can't control it half as well as I can in English. Thus, I don't like speaking German or learning new languages, which is a shame because I have a knack of picking languages up. -Funny how a linguistic person has a stutter no?-

I'm not really sure why the sudden fluency came about... I pen it on the girlfriend post I spoke about earlier. The magics of relationships blaaadeeh bla bla. Anyway! My point... I recently had to go to a "refresher course" so I wouldn't have my driving license taken away. It's basically the automotive version of A.A. Naturally talkings required... and first day I was nervous, heart was in my throat and I was using all the "tricks" I knew to come off as someone who didn't stutter. Eventually I stopped caring and would stutter through the sentences in German. Albeit, "fluently"... And as I did this I noticed the stutter less.

Which brings me to my closing point, perhaps what we stutterers need to do is not to fight stuttering, not to use our minds against it, but rather accept it. Go with the flow of the stutter. If the stutter doesn't want you to finish a sentence then so be it. I think that the only reason people will make a deal out of your stutter is if you do. Perhaps this is why it was seldom an issue in primary/middle/high-school.... I didn't make an issue out of it (lets exclude 1-2 years) and so nobody else did. And perhaps the only reason the stutter will overcome you is if you let it to. Something which I have definately done in my opening year of university. I go to university tomorrow, and this time... I'm going to try my best to not worry about the stutter.

The Future! Aaaargh!!!

I often find myself pondering, "how on earth are you going to overcome that with your stutter!?" If any of you have been in some of these situations it would be interesting to hear, even if they've been horrid.

Right, so the future situations I fret about... Notice how most concern marriage!

• Proposing to a woman, I assume that given how I don't stutter as much around girlfriends that this shouldn't be too much of an issue.. But then again I can only imagine how nervous it would make one feel.
• Saying "I do" at the Altar... (see above). I guess I could always nod?
• Saying your vows at the wedding... aaah... now you include a room full of people. Perhaps, if I were to get married I could do some sort of interpretive dance.
• I would imagine that if my brother were to marry I would be best man.. and the best man has to give a speech.. so ya.. Same as last one, interpretive dance anyone!?
  
• Getting pulled over by a cop. This may seem weird.. But, I would assume that if a cop pulled you over it was due to your driving. Add the stuttering to the equation and his first thought might be that you're drunk on drugs? Then you include the nerves of the situation and, and and!
• Job interview. I've not had a job interview yet perse, I've had jobs.. but no job interview. This is probably the least of my worries out of the list at the moment as it would be one-on-one and either you get the job or you don't.
• Doing a presentation for your work... It's inevitable isn't it? Public speaking... aaaah, I'll touch on that whole farce on a later date.

That's all the ones I can think of off the top of my head at the moment...

Quiet time

Hey guys, wanted to apologize for the lack of frequency on posts. I find that this is mainly down to the fact that back home I'm in a more comfortable environment surrounded by friends I've known for at least a couple of years and have no reason to try to hide the stutter (thus think about it less). Whereas over at university in U.K this is all different. I find myself constantly trying to prevent any slight stutter whereas here I bulldoze through it. I guess I should be doing what I'm doing at home at university but that's easier said than done right? University after all is a place where first impressions count and I suck enough as it is with good first impressions, stuttering aside. So I guess in that sense the pressure is always on when I talk to people at university whereas at home I couldn't really care less.

I also find that some of my friends at university don't really have the patience for my stutter and will often just stop listening to me when I'm talking. Although the latter is particulary only one person but to say it isn't frustrating is an understatement. Infuriating really...

Well, check this space in the next couple days and I'll have another post up by then.

Fix your stutter, get a girlfriend!

Something I've always noticed since I started dating a while back is that I stutter rarely when with my girlfriend. I remember that with my long-term girlfriend who I was dating last year I would very rarely stutter and when I did I would get a block and would be able to overcome it fairly quickly. Also, when I am around women who I am affectionate with I still stutter but to a lesser degree than with my female or male friends. So in short:

• Long-term girlfriend = minimal stuttering
• Affectionate female friend = less than average amount of stuttering.

Am I the only one who thinks this is bizarre? It seems as if the people we are around have an affect on the amount we stutter. From the above we can deduce that the more comfortable I am with the person the less I stutter. Makes sense no? Well it would, except I stutter more around my parents than with people I've just met. Logic would define that I'm more comfortable around my parents than with the people I've just met so I should stutter less around my parents. Wrong.

Furthermore, I stutter the same around good friends and normal friends, both male and female. It just seems to change when I'm with my girlfriend. Maybe it's because I'm generally more at ease, relaxed, happy with her? Who knows? Any of you out there got any ideas as to why? Is it the same with you?

If so... then hey! Get yourself a girlfriend/boyfriend!

Bus Stop Madness!

Ever have those moments where you just think to yourself; "please God... just this once!" I seem to be having them a lot regularly nowadays... One of those moments is when I step on the bus and have to ask for a return ticket. Now picture this scenario:

The bus rolls up, there's a queue of people behind you all racing to get on the bus. The majority of those waiting already have bus passes, they just stroll pass... you're up next. You know what you're going to say!

"City return ticket. City return ticket. City return ticket. City return ticket."

You go up, feel the block.. and there it is again. Pressure builds up! Unsure of what the people behind are thinking of you as you convince yourself that you're holding everyone up, when in fact you're not really... So what happens?

"City please."

That's right, no return bit... This may seem kind of minimal but two single tickets cost 4 pounds, (that's about eight dollars, crazy.. I know) whereas a return costs 3 pounds (six dollars). So I end up spending that extra pound more merely because I can't (don't want to) say the flipping return part!

Now I'm sure many of you are wondering why I don't just word substitute? I tried that once... Got two single tickets, and naturally my friends found that amusing.

*sighs*

Seems really quite silly that I do this often; pay that extra pound more just to avoid the pressure that I, myself, build. I've probably lost quite a bit in the long run, and sadly this isn't the only scenario.

Next year... I'm getting myself a bus pass!